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Category: Love

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Published on 1 Comment on John 15:12-14 True Love

I walked into the grocery store yesterday morning, but unlike the many people looking at the large variety of flower arrangements just inside the door, I was there to buy food. When I got to the check-out, there were two lanes open—the express lane and a lane dedicated to flower sales only. Yes, it was Valentine’s Day, the one day a year set aside to celebrate love with hearts and flowers, red and pink. Now as much as I think that you should show your love every day of the year, I don’t have a problem with setting aside one day in particular to make a point of showing it. I think mothers should be celebrated every day of the year too, but if it weren’t for Mother’s Day, we might not ever get around to saying thank you.

My problem with Valentine’s Day is more about people's perceptions of what love is. Real love is not all about hearts and flowers. It’s not always pretty. Love is about commitment and sacrifice. When you make a vow to love someone until death separates you, that is going to take some work. For all those who made or accepted proposals of marriage yesterday, you need to realize that a time will come when those warm fuzzy feelings will wear off, and you will have to face reality. I hope that you never have to face devastating things together, but you might, and you will certainly have to face daily routine—jobs, laundry, bill paying, choosing between one person’s wishes and the other’s. Are you willing to put someone else’s needs and desires above your own? Are you willing to risk your life for them?

John 15:13 tells us that there is no greater love than laying down your life for someone else. This is what Christ did for us. God loved us so much that He sent His son (John 3:16) to pay the penalty for our sin, to be our substitute so that we would not have to face the punishment that was intended for us. (Romans 5:8, I John 2:2, I John 4:10) It is hard to imagine that kind of love, but that is what Jesus commands in John 15:12. Love others as I have loved you. There is no greater love than laying down your life for your friends. You are my friends if you love each other this way. (John 15:12-14 LC paraphrase) Do you think that you are ready to show that kind of love? Peter thought he was too, (Mark 14:31), but after the rooster crowed in the morning he realized the truth. (Mark 14:66-72) Loving as Jesus loved is a lot to live up to, but this is what true love means.

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In my last post, I brought up the question of whether the laws that were given in the Old Testament still apply to us. If some of the laws on food restriction don’t apply, do any of the others? In a sense, no. But, you might argue, does that mean that it’s okay to lie and murder and steal, since we don’t have to obey those laws anymore? Of course not! Just because we are no longer under the old covenant, doesn’t mean there is no covenant at all. To begin with, we are told in Romans 13:1-7 that we must obey whatever authorities are in place; they have been appointed by God.

Then in Romans 13:8-10, the Apostle Paul boils it down for us. In Romans 13:7, he had just instructed his readers to pay their debts, and to give to others what is due them. Now in Romans 13:8, he tells us that once we have paid our debts, we should owe nothing to anyone, except for love. Love is an obligation that though we pay it, it will never cease to be an obligation. We must love, not because we have some highly emotional feeling that attracts us to someone else, and therefore we want to show our affection. The love being discussed in this passage is agape love, the unconditional love that Christ has for us and that He commands us to have for one another. We are to have concern for every other person on this earth because that is what Christ requires of us. We will certainly need the power of the Holy Spirit within us to accomplish this.

Perhaps the Pharisees liked to have rules because it gave them structure and boundaries. Perhaps they found following the rules easier than loving others. They thought that Jesus was flouting their law, their authority and their tradition, but Jesus said, “I did not come to abolish the law, but to fulfill the law.” (Matthew 5:17) He also said that the greatest commandments were to love God, and to love others. (Matthew 22:36-40, John 13:34) We are now under a new covenant with God, based not on law but on His grace. If we follow the guidelines of that covenant—loving each other—we won’t have to worry about breaking Old Testament laws.

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Published on 2 Comments on I Corinthians 13:4-8 Valentine’s Day Brings Back That Lovin’ Feeling

Today's post was written by Rusty Wright.
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February is known for cold weather, presidents' birthdays and Cupid's delight. As Valentine's Day approaches, hearts flutter, lovers sigh and Charlie Brown hopes that little red-haired girl will like the card he's been gathering up the courage to give her.

Love, sex and amorous relationships have dominated the news over the past year. Not every culture is as comfortable as ours with public displays of affection. In one Malaysian state, laws ban total darkness in movie theaters "to prevent immoral acts like kissing, cuddling and other activities," as one official explained it. Public kissing there usually rates a $70 fine.

Smooch Cops

In Venezuela, extended public kissing and embracing can get you arrested. "If you kiss for more than five seconds, the police will grab you," complained one young woman whose friends were jailed. "It's ridiculous," groused a 24-year-old man. "Whoever invented this law must not have a girlfriend."

Defining immoral kisses can be difficult admitted one policeman, but "when you see it, you should know it." (Has he been reading U.S. Supreme Court decisions?)

Kids on Love, Dating and Marriage

Kids often have unique insights into adults' urge to merge. A friend passed along from the Internet children's answers to questions about love. What do people do on a date? Lynnette (age 8): "Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough."

Martin (age 10) sees the bottom line: "On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date."

When is it OK to kiss someone? Pam (7): "When they're rich!" Curt (7): "The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that." Howard (8): "The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them....It's the right thing to do.

How does one decide whom to marry? Allan (10): "You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dips coming." Allan may find it prudent to slightly revise that theory in a few years.

Do You Love Me?

This season pundits ponder, "What is genuine love?" Popular speaker Josh McDowell delineates three kinds of love that can inform kids' (and adults') attitudes: love if, love because of, and love period. Love if and because of are based on personality or performance: "I love you if you go out with me, if you have a good sense of humor, if you sleep with me. I love you because you're attractive, intelligent or athletic."

But the best kind of love says, "I love you period: even with your weaknesses, even if you change, even if someone better looking comes along. Even if you have zoo-breath in the morning. I want to give myself to you."

Real Love

Paul, an early Christian writer, eloquently described this unconditional love: "Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. ...Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Love will last forever...." (I Corinthians 13:4-8a)

Committed unconditional love could probably heal many romantic rifts. Solid spiritual roots that help produce it can help undergird stable relationships. And the children have noticed that families and adult relationships can use some strengthening.

How can a stranger tell if two people are married? Derrick (8): By "whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids." And how would the world be different if people didn't get married? Kelvin (8): "There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?"

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Rusty Wright is an author and lecturer who has spoken on six continents. He holds Bachelor of Science (psychology) and Master of Theology degrees from Duke and Oxford universities, respectively. www.RustyWright.com

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Published on 4 Comments on Matthew 5:43-48 Love Is Greater

Bullying has been a problem since the beginning of time. These days, most schools have a zero tolerance policy against bullying, and they are doing what they can to eliminate it. But bullying still exists. The Bullying prevention in schools document from the Public Saftey Canada website agrees that “not all interventions, despite their good intentions, have been effective in reducing bullying activities in school. Research has shown that narrowly focused programs directed solely at bullies or their victims; situation deterrents (e.g., increasing supervision in bullying hot spots); and zero tolerance policies including school expulsion have limited effectiveness and may actually increase or exacerbate the problem”. A solution that punishes the bully will only cause the bully to feel victimized and will create more anger and a desire for vengeance, which can cause the bullying to escalate. Any solution that requires intervention from a third party will be limited in its success unless every child has a bodyguard with them at all times in all places. So what is a person to do?

Jesus addressed this issue in Matthew 5:43-48. He said to love your enemies. Don’t react to them the same way they treated you, which is what you do by fighting back. Don’t allow them to change your character from what you know it should be. If you fight back, you put yourself on the same level as the bully. By not reacting in anger or fear, you set an example for the bully to follow instead.

This is the approach taken by bullying expert Brooks Gibbs, an author and speaker, who speaks to audiences all over North America. His premise is that love is stronger than hate. He will tell you that this strategy works, because he used it himself when he was bullied in high school. As long as it is just words, and not physical harm, we should just let what the bullies say roll off our backs. We can choose not to be hurt by their words. If we don’t react, then we won’t give them the attention that they are seeking, and soon they will move on to bother someone else. If we could all learn to just let it go, bullies would see that there is no pay-off from their actions. Instead of zero tolerance policies against bullying, Gibbs would advocate teaching our children how to deal with them. He says, “Bullying is an opportunity to teach children resilience, and we should not try to rescue them from that, but teach them how to handle it and not allow it to affect them emotionally.” If you are a parent or educator you can find strategies at his website to help you do just that.

Bullying doesn’t end when we graduate high school; it will just take on other forms. There will always be someone who will not like you, who will criticize you, or who will try to make themselves look better by putting you down. If you get married, someone in your spouse’s family will think that you’re not good enough. If you have a position of authority in your company, you will have to make decisions that will not please everyone. If you do anything of consequence with your life, someone will disagree with it. If we learn how to deal with bullies when we are young, we will have already gained the skills we need to deal with these issues as an adult. Jesus knew that we would face these issues, and He provided the solution. The next time you face a bully, try it Jesus’ way, and trust Him to protect you from harm. (Romans 12:19)

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Published on 2 Comments on Ephesians 3:16-19 A Family Prayer

When I was in my first year of university, I had the very good fortune to meet a friend who encouraged me to memorize scripture.  We would choose a passage, and then one week later recite it to each other.  One of the first passages we chose was Ephesians 3:14-19.  It is a prayer that the Apostle Paul prayed for the Ephesians, but that we could, and should, pray for our Christian brothers and sisters.

Paul begins this passage with the words, “For this reason”.  He has returned to what he started to say in Ephesians 3:1, after a lengthy parenthetical discourse in which he elaborated on the point he had made in Ephesians 2:11-22.  That is, that Gentiles were also welcome into God’s family, and that they, together with the Jews, were being built into a dwelling place for God’s Spirit.  On that basis, Paul begins his prayer for all believers in Ephesians 3:16-19.

Paul prays for three things, but they are not material things, and they are not separate and distinct.  Each request builds upon the one that preceded it.  First he prays that, according to the wealth of God’s glory, not according to our merit or what we have to offer, but according to what God has to offer, that we may be strengthened in our inner being, that we may become mature and more like Christ.  Second, Paul prays that Christ may dwell in our hearts.  The word translated dwell does not simply mean that Christ has entered our hearts.  He has done that through the Holy Spirit the moment that we accept the gift of His sacrifice for us.  Paul was speaking to those who had already taken that step.  What the word dwell more accurately means is that Christ will feel at home in our hearts, that there would be nothing within us, no thought, or word or deed, that would make Christ feel uncomfortable, disheartened or grieved. Third, because we have been rooted and grounded in the love of God—it is our anchor and our foundation—Paul prays that, although it is beyond what we could truly understand, we might still grasp how great God’s love is, that we would know God’s love, and that we may be filled with it until it overflows from us.

What Paul has prayed for is more than our minds can truly conceive, and certainly beyond what we have the capability to accomplish in our own strength.  Paul turns from petition to praise in Ephesians 3:20-21.  It is God’s power working within us that will accomplish this, and He is able to do far beyond anything that we could ever ask or imagine.  May God be glorified and praised through all generations.

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I believe that the grace of God is much more amazing than we as humans can comprehend, and yet it is available to each one of us. Ephesians 2:1-3 describes the dire situation that the human race was left in because of Adam’s sin. Then verse 4 starts with “But God”. It begins the explanation we find in Ephesians 2:4-7 of God’s mercy and grace. Mercy means that we are not given the punishment that we deserve. Grace means that we are given the salvation that we don’t deserve. Both are given to us because of Christ, a fact that is repeated three times in these four verses, and they are gifts that are available to anyone, even the thief who was minutes from death on the cross beside Jesus. Because of Christ we have been transformed from spiritual death to spiritual life. We have been raised up in Him, and when this life is over we will be with Him in the heavenly realms. Spiritually, we are already there. This was made possible only because He loved us enough to die as a sacrifice in our place. Can you even begin to imagine this?!

I am also encouraged by Ephesians 2:7 which tells us that the surpassing wealth of His grace will be demonstrated to us in the coming ages. It is only going to get better and better. We will continue to know God more and more, but what I find most uplifting is that we are not expected to know it all right now. God’s love and grace is beyond what we can fathom, but there is a lot that He has already made known to us as well. He has given us the gift of the scriptures, His Holy Word, so that we might learn more about Him and His great love at our own pace. No pressure. It’s a gift.

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Published on 1 Comment on Ephesians 2:4-7 Grace So Amazing

I believe that the grace of God is much more amazing than we as humans can comprehend, and yet it is available to each one of us. Ephesians 2:1-3 describes the dire situation that the human race was left in because of Adam’s sin. Then verse 4 starts with “But God”. It begins the explanation we find in Ephesians 2:4-7 of God’s mercy and grace. Mercy means that we are not given the punishment that we deserve. Grace means that we are given the salvation that we don’t deserve. Both are given to us because of Christ, a fact that is repeated three times in these four verses, and they are gifts that are available to anyone, even the thief who was minutes from death on the cross beside Jesus. Because of Christ we have been transformed from spiritual death to spiritual life. We have been raised up in Him, and when this life is over we will be with Him in the heavenly realms. Spiritually, we are already there. This was made possible only because He loved us enough to die as a sacrifice in our place. Can you even begin to imagine this?!

I am also encouraged by Ephesians 2:7 which tells us that the surpassing wealth of His grace will be demonstrated to us in the coming ages. It is only going to get better and better. We will continue to know God more and more, but what I find most uplifting is that we are not expected to know it all right now. God’s love and grace is beyond what we can fathom, but there is a lot that He has already made known to us as well. He has given us the gift of the scriptures, His Holy Word, so that we might learn more about Him and His great love at our own pace. No pressure. It’s a gift.

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I was having a conversation with my husband the other day, and I said, “The opposite of love isn’t hate; it is the absence of love. It is indifference.” He pondered that for a moment, and then did what every good techie does: he googled it. It turns out that, even though I was processing that thought for the first time, others had said it before, most famously holocaust survivor and Nobel Peace Prize winner, Elie Wiesel.

So, how do we know whether we are truly being loving or not? It’s not about feelings; it’s about conscious decisions. It is a choice. I John 5:2-4 tells us that we know we are loving others when we love God and keep His commandments. His commandments as summarized by Jesus are to love God and love others. (Matthew 22:37-40) Jesus also said that obeying his commandments is a natural progression of love for Him. (John 14:15) Later in the Gospel of John we read that if we obey Christ’s commandments, we will remain in Him just as He has obeyed His Father’s commandments and remains in His Father. (John 15:10) One assists the other: If we love God we will obey His commandments, and if we obey His commandments His love will remain in us.

These days, we use the term “love” quite loosely. I love chocolate. I love blue skies. I love my husband. These are examples that represent emotions and expressions of enjoyment. The kind of love discussed in these verses is unconditional, from the Greek word agape. A good summary of what that means and how it can be demonstrated practically is found in The Love Chapter (I Corinthians 13, particularly I Corinthians 13:4-7 ), but in general it means that we choose to love. Our love is not based on what we can get out of it, or even what we can give (and then feel good about). It is about loving others because God commands it, whether we particularly like them or not. That is something that is not easily done even if we really want to. It is only possible if we let the love of our Heavenly Father flow through us.

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In my last post (October 5, 2011) I discussed the dangers listed in Psalm 91, and the fact that God will protect us from those things. I suggested various ways to interpret what that protection really means. Perhaps today’s verse can help to provide the answer.

I John 4:18 tells us that perfect love casts out fear. We may be faced with all the arrows and hardships described in Psalm 91, we many even be faced with death, but if we have the perfect love of God in us, we need not fear. If we have accepted His gift of salvation, then we can have the confidence that nothing in this world can overcome us, for nothing can separate us from God’s perfect love. (Romans 8:35-39) If we focus on eternity, the hardships that we go through on this earth will not hold the same significance. Yes, we will still have trials and troubles, the Bible warns us of this (John 16:33), but they are only temporary.

We are told in I John 4:18 that fear has to do with punishment. If we have accepted Christ’s sacrifice on our behalf, then there will be no eternal punishment for us. We have already been forgiven and redeemed. Romans 8:1 tells us that there is therefore—because He paid the price—now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. If we are in Christ, we are joint heirs with Him, (Romans 8:17) and we have a blessed eternity to look forward to. And while we are on this earth, we are still in God’s love, and we have the Holy Spirit to guide us. Yes, there will be times of concern, but He is right there going through each trial with us. He understands every single thing that we must face. (Hebrews 4:14-15) And when the time comes, we will reach glory with the price for our sins already paid in full by our Saviour. There is absolutely no reason to fear.

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Do you ever feel like nobody likes you? Or maybe you just feel like SOMEbody doesn’t like you? The fact is that we can’t all be liked by everyone all the time. I’ve told many young people that no matter who they are, some people will like them and some people won’t, so they might as well be themselves and know that their friendships are genuine. We all get to choose who we want to be friends with and who we want to be loyal to. Sometimes being friends with one group will mean that you can't be friends with another.

Jesus told the disciples something similar in John 15:18-19. He said that the world (meaning those who don’t belong to Christ) will hate them, because it hated Him first. The disciples should not be surprised that if they stood up for something that was contrary to what the people of the world believed, there would be hatred and persecution. Neither should we. If you profess to be a Christian, some people will hate you before they even get to know you. They may treat you badly or speak unfairly against you simply because you belong to Christ. In North America persecution is mild compared to what it is in some parts of the globe, but you still don’t have to look far to see it—people hurling insults, bullying, unfair stories in the press, acts of violence and vandalism.

We need to make a careful distinction though. Not all people who claim to be Christians behave in a way that resembles Christ. They judge and criticize and give their share of insults. Sometimes their behaviour is rude and obnoxious. Thus an unfavourable reaction might be more accurately labelled a result of provocation rather than persecution. This kind of behaviour is certainly not what Christ stood for. In II Corinthians 6:3, Paul instructs the people to be above reproach—to not do anything that can be criticized or cause offense. Throughout the Bible, and particularly in the passage just before this, Jesus commands His disciples to love. (John 15:12, John 15:17, John 15:10, Luke 6:27) This isn’t just a friendly suggestion; it’s a commandment. This is what it takes to be like Christ. Love even those who hate you.