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Do you ever feel alone? Do you feel like you just can’t face another day without some help? Does it feel like everything is always going wrong? Jesus promised us a Helper and an Advocate, so that you wouldn’t have to face anything alone.

When Jesus was on earth, He taught His disciples and guided them, but as He prepared to ascend to heaven, He promised to ask the Father to send the Holy Spirit to take His place and to live with the disciples, and by extension us, forever. (John 14:16) Since Jesus and the Father are one, when Jesus asked the Father for something, it happened, but the promise was predicated on a condition.

In John 14:15, Jesus said, “If you love me, you will obey my commandments.” Love here is not a sentiment or an emotion, but a commitment and dedication to Jesus that was demonstrated by obeying Him. Everything that is taught by Jesus in the gospels and throughout the New Testament is there for us to learn from and to follow so that we might be more like Christ. Even though every day brings trials that we must face and deal with, our responsibility is to continue to follow Christ. In Matthew 6:33, we are told that we need to pursue His kingdom and His righteousness above all else. If we do we what we are responsible for, He will take care of the rest. And we know that nothing is impossible with God. (Luke 1:37, Luke 18:27, Mark 10:27)

I can’t promise you that things won’t keep going wrong. As a matter of fact, I can pretty much guarantee that they will, (John 16:33) but you don’t have to face them alone. If you have accepted Jesus’ sacrifice and gift of eternal life, and if you strive to obey His commandments, the Holy Spirit will be right there beside you and within you to be your Helper and your Advocate.

I decided years ago that people don’t compliment each other enough, so when I think something nice about someone, I like to tell them. This is very often greeted with, “Okay, what do you want?” It’s sad, but people don’t seem to trust someone who says something nice. Perhaps that’s a good thing, because that is also one of the tactics used by people who are trying to pressure you to do something or get something from you. That’s what the satraps (government officials) did to king Darius in Daniel 6, (March 28, 2011) which resulted in Daniel being thrown in the lion’s den and Darius spending the night in anguish and regret. It also resulted in the gruesome death of the flatterers and their families.

Proverbs 29:5 tells us that the flatterer spreads a net—sets a trap—for his steps. There is some ambiguity about whose steps the trap is set for, the one being flattered or the one doing the flattering. Perhaps it is both. In the story of Daniel, there were consequences for both the satraps and the king. The satraps set the trap for king Darius, but in the end, the consequences were much worse for themselves.

You need to be careful to discern whether or not someone is being honest with you, especially if you are in a position of authority over them. Employees, children, students, anyone who is in a subordinate position may not be completely honest with you, either out of fear, or because they are trying to further their own personal agenda. Likewise, you need to be vigilant that you are being honest with others. Any gain that comes from being dishonest with others will not last. The righteous will win in the end. (Proverbs 11:8, Proverbs 13:9)

There is a difference between compliments and flattery. Compliments are sincere and unselfish, while flattery is exaggerated, sometimes a complete lie, told with the intention of selfish gain. The flatterer is seeking a favour of some kind; he has only his own desires in mind. If the person is deceptive enough, it may be difficult to tell the difference, but a good clue would be what request is made thereafter. If they actually do want something from you, perhaps it is not really a compliment.

Are you old enough to remember what life was like before Facebook, Twitter and other social media sites were created? Can you think back to a time before the Internet was a common term? If you are too young for that, you might not understand what I’m talking about, but life was different then. Now, people announce everywhere they go and every little thing they are doing. Things that never used to be considered important enough to mention to anyone now get shared with everyone.

That sheds a whole new light on Matthew 18:15-17. Decades ago, if someone had been offended by someone else, they may have been tempted to tell their close friends, and even though that was inadvisable, the matter would have still remained relatively quiet. Now, if someone is annoyed by something, it will very likely get posted to Facebook for hundreds of other people to see and share their opinions about.

The procedure given in Matthew 18:15-17 is probably intended for more serious infractions that may result in excommunication if taken to the bitter end, but I think that the principle is still valid for interpersonal grievances as well. If you are upset with someone because of something they did to offend you, and you wish to resolve the issue and preserve the relationship, announcing your frustration to the world is not likely to help your cause. It is possible that the other person has offended you without even realizing it. If that is so, that matter will be resolved quite easily once you share your hurt. If it was an intentional slight, you will at least know where you stand. We are asked to forgive (Matthew 18:21-22, Luke 17:3-4), and we are asked to love our neighbour (Luke 10:27), but we are not required to remain friends with anyone who intentionally abuses us. We can be respectful to them. We can be gracious and civilized. We can follow God’s steps for reconciliation. But if, in the end, they don’t want to do their part to contribute to a healthy relationship, you do not have to continue to associate with them. If they are family members, of course, it may not be as easy as all that, and that’s where the graciousness and civility will be essential. Nonetheless, we don’t have to go out of our way to spend time with them. At the point where they are ready to adjust their behaviour, because you have already forgiven them, you will be ready to renew the relationship.

Matthew 7:1-5 is the passage, probably familiar to many, that tells us not to judge lest we be judged.  Whatever standard we use to judge others will be used to judge us as well.  Christ gives the example of trying to remove a speck of dust from your brother’s eye while you have a plank in your own.  Then we get to verse 6 which talks about dogs and pigs.  In Jesus’ time, both of these were considered unclean and undesirable.

Many commentaries will tell you that Matthew 7:6 means that we should not present the gospel to anyone who refuses to listen.  This view has support from other passages in the Bible, such as Proverbs 23:9 which tells us not to bother trying to talk sense to fools, and Matthew 10:14 which advised the disciples to shake the dust from their feet when they left a town where they weren’t welcome.  When a Canaanite woman asked Jesus to heal her daughter (Matthew 15:21-28), Jesus told her that it was not right to throw the children’s bread to the dogs.

That is not to say that we should avoid talking to anyone who doesn’t believe as we do, or who questions what we believe, for Christ certainly did not set that example.  The Bereans were commended for their questioning (Acts 17:10-11), because it showed that they were eager to understand.

Other commentaries suggest that this verse continues the teaching on judgement.  Judgement in the first five verses of the chapter is about criticism or condemnation, something that we have no authority to do.  That is God’s job.  The judgement referred to in verse six is equivalent to discernment.  We must not badger or enrage someone who has heard what we have to say but refuses to agree with us, and it requires discernment to determine whether people fit into that category or are questioners like the Bereans.

My pastor has a different point of view.  He would explain to you that if you have withheld food from animals, even domesticated ones, long enough, they will turn on you.  If you throw pearls to hungry pigs, even though they are seen as valuable to you, they would be of no use to the pigs.  Therefore, my pastor would argue, you need to provide unbelievers with that which is helpful to them.  Consider what the recipient needs rather than what makes you look noble.  Getting back to the Canaanite woman in Matthew 15:27-28, we see that she was commended for her faith when she answered Jesus saying that even the dogs are allowed to eat the crumbs that fall from the table.

So what are we to do?  Exercise discernment, and if you need some, ask God for it.  (James 1:5)  Be willing to speak to anyone until you know that they don’t want to have anything to do with you.  Try to be helpful to those you encounter.  Don’t spout doctrine in “Christianese”, but answer their questions as clearly and honestly as you can.